Depression and Anxiety.
I don't care that you are a wife, mother and friend to people who make you laugh, tell you you are beautiful, kind, loving and friendly 20 times a day. I don't care what race, religion or background you come from. I care that you stay in bed and repeat over and over that you don't deserve anything you have! Remember all those horrible times...
Love,
Depression
Just a glimpse into one day with my depression.
"Mommy, Mommy I'm awake come get me!" It's Monday morning and my daughter is calling me over the monitor and my husband has gone to work. My first thought is I need more sleep, please leave me alone. I have been up several times throughout the night, always finding it hard to get back to sleep. I hear her call for me again and my body feels like it is stuck and I can't move, I keep on saying I am coming don't worry just give me a moment. But there is no sound, my mouth isn't moving and I am still in my bed...sleeping.
I get up and go through a daily routine without realizing what I am doing. I've gotten up, dressed myself and now heading towards my daughters room. She runs towards me with a beautiful smile and says Good Morning. She gives me a hug and I am not sure I have reciprocated. She says that's a pretty dress mommy, I say oh that's nice. I take out some clothes for her to wear, but feel like it is all a blur. I get her to daycare, how did I get here is what I ask myself as I take her out of the car. I don't recall getting her dress, putting on my shoes getting in the car or leaving the house. She says bye mommy and have a good day with big hugs and kisses. As a routine, I go through the motions of her giving me Love and affection.
I sit at my desk wondering how I got there, how many lights were there, what do I have to do today. What do I have to do today, oh what do I have to do today? It's the end of the day and I don't remeber if I remembered to breathe, I have to pick up my daughter. Wait, how did I pick her up and she's already in the back seat where am I going? Mommy are we going home? I hear from the back seat. Not sure if I answer but hear her say why are you not driving? We are home sitting in the living room, how did I get here? I guess as long as we are home she is safe and I just have to wait for my husband to get home.
Where have you been, why are you late? I am tired and going to just take a rest! It's 6pm and my husband has taken the blow because I have tried my best not to take it out on our daughter. I'm crying, smiling, crying again, don't know what's going on then smiling and realize that we are now sitting reading my daughter her night time stories. Again, unsure of how I have gotten here with my daughter sitting in my arms reading her favorite books. Was she fed, did she get her bath?
I am tired but want to spend time with my husband, we are in bed and he says did you like the show we were just watching. I honestly don't remember, I say it was good. He's asleep and I am silently dying inside crying and wishing this pain would go away, the cycle goes on again the next day.
~ End
I am grateful for the nights my husband holds me while I cry for hours for no reason.
I am thankful that he puts up with my random periods of irritability.
He constantly attempts to comfort me if I am suddenly uncomfortable when we’re out in public.
He fills me with hope for the future when I lead myself down the darkest of paths
He plays with my hair when I’m having trouble sleeping.
Encourages me to eat when I have no appetite.
He takes care of me and I never even had to explain myself.
~~
When I am in the throws of depression please know that I may say the following things but mean something totally different.
I am fine = I am going insane
I feel good = I can't feel a thing
Nothings wrong = Everything is wrong
I am okay = I really am NOT
~
Remember that Depression hurts!
Find out more about depression at
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